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April 13, 2009

“God is not passive, for love is never passive, but is always passionate. And passion always leads to action.”

To give up on love is to give up on a life thats sole purpose is to love and be loved. Sometimes its easier to know why were are NOT loved then to believe we are loved unconditionally by the shaper of hearts, deliverer of the captives, lover of creation. We cannot be doubtful when pursuing God, we must boldly walk forward and come before him, believing why we ARE loved. I forget sometimes.. but I’m going into that throne room, passionately and with everything in me.


Care to take a walk?


March 24, 2009

What is it about being in a place for too long that makes us want to leave? What tells us time is up, ready to move on? 

I think theres this feeling we get every once in a while, or every day, or all the time.. whatev. And it makes us antsy. It makes me antsy. The funny thing is everyone walks around like this .. I don’t know why I think I’m the only one. I just see all the people who appear content, who are having life changing decisions happen all around them or to them, and i can’t help but wonder.. Am I waiting around for the next thing while without knowing, missing the next thing? Ya see, I don’t want to have an ephiany of my life, like what I’m supposed to do forever, I just want to take the next step. 


I wish I knew.

Grow Down

March 13, 2009

I am tired of growing up. 


I want to go play football on the side of the house with all the neighborhood kids and exceed the weight limit on the trapline playing “crack the egg”. I want to wake up, eat a bowl of crispys and watch saved by the bell with casey. I want to build something out of legos. I want to play Life with dad, and rollerblade through the house while doing school. 


Growing up, well it just sucks sometimes. Work, college, bills, money, bleh. No wonder people get tired earlier as they get older.. I would want to sleep to get away from all of it too. 

I’ve decided I’m not growing up. ha! Wheres peter pan when I need him. But no really, while growing old is unavoidable, growing up is actually all in my head. So at this moment I’m eating a piece of apple pie [which is more like 3 pieces in 1 because I didn’t feel like getting knife] and its delicious. And I’m going to enjoy it dangit =) and I’m not going to think about work, working out, working everything out, none of it. I’m going to eat my pie, and let that be that.

Because I refuse to let grown up things, tell me how old I am. 


I’m going to sleep. Maybe Lizzie was be un-mad for one night and come sleep with me.. 
=) _T

The game.

March 2, 2009

I went grocery shopping on Saturday. And the bill, small as it was, broke my heart. I hate HATE hate, did I say hate? wasting money. You see I’m a saver, a money hoarder if you will, and I have a select few things I will spend money on. Music, climbtime, and sushi. Other then that, I pretty much grin and bear it.

So I have decided to play the game. If you’ve been around my mother in the past 3 months, you’ve probably heard her talking about her savings. I didn’t realize how much money you spend a week on the necessities. She didn’t either until she started bringing home hundreds of dollars worth of stuff for cents at a time. 

You see, I want what I’m given to last. I want to enjoy the fun stuff without worrying about the little stuff. 

The game starts now. 
I need a sweet name…



February 13, 2009

This week is a biggie. 

I have begun to step forward. Moving out, taking a new job, finishing part of school. And yet at the same time, I have stepped back. You’ll see in a few weeks what I mean. Lots is changing, happening. And at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t it. I’m not done. In fact, I almost feel like i haven’t even begun. 

Just to see, I looked at missions in Africa. There’s an opening for a Graphic Designer with Watoto. I would love to do something like that.. I don’t think I have the qualifications, but who knows. It could be a goal. I just want to go do something bigger then myself. It doesn’t have to be a christian organization although thats typically what missions are for.. but I want to see whats out there. 

I’m tired of the same old. I’m content, yet I feel that there is so much waiting. Maybe thats just “normal” for this age. But I don’t want normal. I want life.

Anyway, this heart has had enough today to make your head spin, so I’m off to sleep.


February 6, 2009

My sociology teacher is brilliant, or just really funny. Either way, he keeps my attention in class and I enjoy that. He made us do this exercise in class the other day. 20 “I”s. I made one for class, but I turned it in and honestly don’t remember it. It wasn’t very good either.. so I’m making a new one. One I feel is a bit more honest. I think if we all had to make a list, we would put some truth down, and some of what we wish to be true. Maybe what we would want others to believe. 

So here we go. 

1. I think my brother is awesome, and I don’t want to ever lose the kind of relationship I have with him. I’m worried moving out may make it harder. 
2. I want a tattoo. Not to look cool, or please anyone, but for me. Don’t worry, I’m not the kind of person to get a star and say it means something. It will be a good one. I still want my parents to like me after it =). 
3. I have a really high mental pain tolerance. Basically I can handle stress for long amounts of time.. probably not a good thing.
4. I think my voice has gotten stronger, and it makes me really excited!
5. I don’t want chocolates or roses.. I want daisys, lovely daisys. They are beautiful.
6. I feel the need to say something when I’m angry, but usually I walk away. *If I do stay, please excuse my actions.
7. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do, but I’m realizing its not what you settle into, but what you try.
8. I wish I had just cut it off, people wouldn’t of been as hurt.  
9. I don’t like a mess, but I seem to acquire them more often then not. Lets just say when I clean, its really good =)
10. I love my sister. I learned loving people from her, my heart has been broken for her more then any other person in my life. Not because of anything wrong, just because she is amazing. 
11. I feel like sometimes as a musician people think I’m off in la la land. Yes I know, sometimes if you catch the end of a conversation about which key you need a song in and its a bunch of letters and crap its scary.. don’t worry, thats not all thats in this head.
12. I have many days that I want to escape everyone and everything and go think.. the beach is my spot of choice.
13. I have a lot of people speaking to me on a daily basis, only a few really shake me. 
14. I actually like school. I’ll miss it for the consistent schedule it gives me for 4 months.
15. I can’t wait to meet my kids, I always joke that they’ll have colored hair and be rock-band champs, but really, they are gonna be a amazing.
16. I’ve tried to imagine life if I didn’t grow up in church, I don’t think I would’ve been a nice kid. 
17. I seem like I’ve got it all together, but its chaos. Surprisingly not in a sad or overwhelming way, more like “This is living” kind of way.
18. I apparently like odd illnesses: had tubes in my ears to hear, shin splints, kidney stone, TMJ.. the ER is not cool.
19. I tend to hold on to people.. and I also have conversations with people and I’ll pull one line they say out of 100 and think about it all day long.
20. My relationship with God is always changing, for good, because even bad is good with Him.
ya. _T

January 12, 2009

Go to God when you feel like it and when you don’t feel like it, but never because you feel like you have to. 
I believe in love, not obligation. 
1 Corinthians 13